I know. Shocking title, right? That's what I thought too when I first heard about the book by the same name, "Christmas Sucks: What to Do When Fruitcake, Family, and Finding the Perfect Gift Make You Miserable" by Joanne Kimes. (author of "Pregnancy Sucks")
If you're not one of the many people who dread the holiday season, then you probably at least know someone who does. I myself am a Christmas fanatic. I cannot get enough of the holiday and am so excited when I see all the lights start to go up in the neighborhood (as they have now). I'm like a little kid every December.
My husband on the other hand, is a definite Christmas scrooge. And I can understand why as he's the budget-runner in our house. I probably wouldn't be as cheery as I am if I was the one to face the bills!
So when I saw this book, I immediately thought of my husband and knew he'd get a kick out of it. When it arrived, I handed it to him and said, "Here. This is for you." And he laughed as soon as he saw the title, nodding his head. I'm sure he was grateful that there was someone out there who understood him.
Now I will warn you. If you are easily offended, you'll want to avoid the book. Kimes is definitely the Sarah Silverman of the book world! I personally found her hilarious (as did my husband) and I'm going to have the book out on the coffee table for our Christmas party. Though I'll make sure it's not within any child's reach, of course.
Speaking of Christmas parties, here's a quote from the book on the disadvantages of cookie swap parties:
"You may get stuck with some truly crappy cookies. Sure you leave with an assortment of cookies instead of all one kind, but there are always some loser cookies in the bunch, like the candied fruit lavender surprise or the ones with nuts you hate, or the dried-out cookies that the baker claims to be biscotti but you know are only called this to cover for the fact that they were overcooked."
See what I mean? I love her humor. Sarcastic and snarky? Yes. But also down-to-earth and real. Kimes is the kind of friend who would flat out tell you that, yes indeed your butt does look big in that dress. And while you'll get mad at first, you'll inwardly thank her for saving you the humiliation of wearing that dress in public.
Her rants will amuse you and her many tips just might save you some sanity this Christmas!
Click over to Sucks and the City, Kimes' blog, to learn more about "Christmas Sucks."
And while you're there, check out her blog description for further proof of her hilarious sense of humor:
"Let's be honest. I know you only found this site by surfing for either "Sex and the City" info, or a porn version of said film. But I think you'll enjoy this site as well, so take off your coat and stay awhile."
Want to win a copy of "Christmas Sucks" for yourself? Thanks to Meryl L. Moss Media Relations, Inc., one lucky person will win a copy of the book. Simply leave a comment here describing a funny/embarrassing/silly moment you've experienced during the holidays to be entered. Be sure there is an email to be found or your entry will have to be disqualified.
For a bonus entry, blog about this contest with a link to this post, then leave a separate comment here with your link.
By entering, you automatically agree to all the rules and disclaimers listed here.
Deadline to enter is 11:59 EST, Tuesday, December 9, 2008. Winner will be selected at random using Random.org, posted here and contacted by email.
Good luck!
24 comments
back when I was learning how to cook I thought no one would notice when making a pumpkin pie you could subb formula- true story- oh my gosh talk about wanting to toss it all up- yep really a true story- I have learned and cooked probably thousands of pies since then- and leanr what can be subbed- and not- I still experiment but never with formula
I participated in a secret santa with a local moms club. My gift giver was horrible. My first and second gifts were actually cute holiday pot holders but they smelled strongly of mildew. My next gift, a box of moldy chocolates. It was disgusting to say the least and left me with a not so merry feeling.
When I was a kid, we opened "family" presents on Christmas Eve, after dinner. I begged and begged to "open just one" before dinner, but no go. Finally, I said, just tell me what THIS ONE is (not knowing it was from my grandmother). Mom says, "A brown raincoat and hat." I go on and on about how NO ONE would EVER give a kid such a yuckky gift.
Of course, we open presents, and TA DA! there's my brown plastic raincoat and matching hat.
I'm 45 years old, my grandmother's gone, and I still feel bad about how I acted.
forgot to stuff the turkey
Omgosh
In Canada the day after Christmas is called Boxing Day (and other places probably too)
When I was growing up my parents had an Open House every Boxing Day where the liquor flowed and the food was abundant!
Dad owned a local business and all of his employees would drop by and they were also known for their drinking.
One year, the house was full of people; I think I must have been around 11. My siblings and I usually hung out in my room to avoid the "weird" adults.
I was elected the person to go out and get us some food and drinks. I made my way into the kitchen and found a very drunk guy, sitting at my parents kitchen table, trying to eat an ornamental gourd!
I don't think I'll ever forget!
Thanks
nancyrobster@gmail.com
My husband doesn't really like to go with me to pick out the tree. He always pulls out a few and says look at this one It is perfect. In the lot it always does look good but when we got the one home last year it looked like the leaning tower of Pisa. I kept thinking it was going to fall over. We all kind of leaned over to make the Christmas pictures look good.
My aunt was making fudge and dropped her bottle of prescription medicine in the candy batter. Instead of throwing it out, she finished the drug-laced fudge and gave it to my mother for Christmas.
I was at a party reently and bit into one of the appetizers. I made a face and put it on my husbands plate. Then someone told me the woman who was standing in front of us talking to me as I did that had made them. Talk about embarassing ...I went and got another kind of her appetizerss and ate that one and told her how much I likes it.
every december for the holidays my coworker throws a dirty panty party. Each guest brings a pair of panties wrapped up. we pick numbers for the order to select our gift or steal from another person. I had recently gained some weight due to a medical situation and I got this teeny tiny thong. I was so embarrassed as this would never fit. I work at a health club and everyone was so fit and thin. Needless to say i dont go to the panty party anymore.
cdrury@gmail.com
gave my boss a cute little sign about organization -well he didnt get and took offense and gave me reindeer poop as a present - geeze some people have no sense of humour!!!!
This isn't anything recent, but happened when I was little. My grandfather always told us that the stew my grandmother was cooking was reindeer stew and he told us certain stories about Santa Claus. In grade 1 I wrote a story called "The Day Santa Died", lol, & my teacher called home & had to have a meeting with my parents.
The worst Christmas ever was the year my ex daughter in law was sailing the Christmas tree(ornaments & all( down the driveway on my arrival. She was throwing a tantrem as she didn't get enough gifts! It made for a rather tense Christmas.
The saddest Christmas was when the hospital called on Christmas EVe to say that my uncle Vern died.
Another great Christmas was when my husband bought some pants for me as a gift. He bought size 2x pants. I wore a size 14. Boy, did I feel fat!
skstigger (at) hotmail.com
I remember when I was in 9th grade my french club had a white elephant gift exchange and I had no idea what that was so I asked my mom. She told me and she suggested that I give these memo pads which were the remainders of coupon books my brother made and sold (like Entertainment books). I was leery but I thought ok, that's what you do, I guess. Well, when I got to the party I saw that everyone had purchased things and it wasn't looking good for me. When the girl opened it, she had such a stunned expression and rolled her eyes and just started laughing and making fun of it. I was humiliated beyond belief.
doot65{at}comcast[dot]net
Christmas Day happens to be my sister in law's birthday. As a result my in laws always try to insist that we must spend Christmas day with them, and not with my family. Last year in a heated debate with my husband over our plans, I said, "I don't care who's birthday it is!". When my 8 year old daughter chimed in, "Mommy, it's Jesus birthday". I instantly felt horrible.
One Christmas Dinner our uncle Chester who was obese passed gas. Tommy our four year old nephew loudly exclaimed "Somebody farted. Daddy it's you. Wheewed."
I blogged here:
http://jo1brat.blogspot.com/
Does getting a hair removal system from your boyfriend in front of your entire family that were thinking I was getting a diamond count as most embarassing?????
A family member gave us a canister of cookies that was made with way 2 much baking soda and had pecan shells in them. they were yucky! :(ty 4 the entry!
I tend to hide presents all over the house before wrapping them. Well, last Christmas, after we'd opened everything and cleaned up, I remembered THREE OTHER PRESENTS that I had hidden and forgotten. I wrapped them real quick and back we went. haha.
I almost got hit by a Tow Truck last Christmas!
That same Two truck ran the same red light a month & 10 day later & died.
How creepy is that?
Once when I was a about 12 , my grandmother ( a massive control freak amoong other things) came to our house and pitched a fit until I changed from a perfectly nice dressy shirt into a turtleneck . I hate turtlenecks .
Shw would do things like that all the time, like not let me wear a nice dress my mother made until it was so tight the seams strained, and make me wear shoes that were two sizes too small when she took me to church but this time was especially embarassing because she did it on a holiday in front of other people.
ladycat713@yahoo.com
I used to love the Christmas season and was completely consumed by it. After I got divorced, my passion for the holidays has decreased year by year. I think I need to read this book.
My mother knew I was into "old-fashioned" things when I was a teenager, so she just KNEW I would LOVE one particular present she found for me.
Unfortunately....The "old fashioned" sun bonnet set was so wrong. The sunbonnet swallowed my head. The matching apron barely covered my hips. The set was brilliant purple with large checked ruffles. The style was bad enough, but the "Barney purple" color was awful!
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